(This piece is a reaction to the story of late billionaire Deinde Fernandez which was published on the Facebook wall of Gbenga Dan Asabe on February 1, 2016)
My mom died before my father. So she was never a widow. So I missed the opportunity of knowing a widow until I met a lady called Mrs Lara William. She runs a widows development support service initiative in Lagos. I stopped to ask her questions. At first, she was shocked because only few people pay attention to widows. We had an interview session and tears welled up in my eyes! But little did I know that I would have even more tears to shed, when I later visited the widows’ group meeting, where more widows told me their plight and showed me some of the visible scars from cruelty they received immediately their husband died.
As a child, Lara William grew up in a comfortable home. Both parents showered the children comfort and luxury. And when marriage came early to her, Lara was lucky to be married to a pilot who flew around the world. But after about nine years, Lara’s father died. Lara’s mother became a widow. They were still trying to grapple with that reality, when Lara’s pilot husband died in a plane crash! That, sounds like a story read to children at bed time, doesn’t it? But unfortunately, it happened to somebody in real life. Somebody I know.
Poor widow, little did she know what was ahead. Money issues arose. According to Lara William, camps emerged within the family. Mrs Eliza Nwabueze another widow put it more clearly when she declared that, “my in-laws and step children stripped me bare of all my late husband’s properties and wealth even before the man was buried. But today, God has punished all of them for the evil they did to me.”
In Lara William’s case, camps emerged and nobody remembered all the good deeds and happiness she had shared with the family. The children who hitherto were attending ivy schools were withdrawn and nobody cared! From one thing to another, Lara struggled on with her children, and another thing I recently learnt is that, God fights for widows, Lara William is back into wealth.
I cannot imagine few month after my father’s death, my half-brother coming out to shout at my mother, to return to the village where she came from, that she has no share or decision to take in our father’s wealth and property. Indeed it is beyond my imagination because that will not only be cruel but also very insulting to my poor mother. My mother, who must have lived, loved and shared life with my father?
But that is the plight of most widows of African husbands. A system that must change! A high profile case that I recently heard of, is that of the widow of late billionaire Deinde Fernandez who while still mourning her late husband, is struggling with another home front battle. The poor widow is said to have been challenged that she was never married to the man, after many years of a healthy, happy love life between the couple.
Such is the plight of widows! When the camps emerge like Mrs Lara Williams of widows development support services initiative says is usually the case, at such times, who fights for the widow?
Like me, until few weeks ago, when I met Mrs Lara Williams and then visited a widows’ group, you may never have met a widow before, and never came to terms with the real life emotional pang of their situation.
I implore you therefore, to try and visit a widow’s group. Try and interact with one or two widows, listen and see things for yourself. Widows have a life to live after their husbands die. Remember it can happen to anybody. We are not insulated from this particular real-life situation.
And if perhaps you do not have the chance to visit a widow’s group then just let this question haunt your mind for as long as it can. The question is: who fights for the widow, when camps emerge after her husband dies?
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